Come see the softer side of... Market?

It's been pointed out to me here & there by several Quilt Market attendees that I have somehow neglected to share with you all some of the more... shall we say... colorful events surrounding my 4-day stay in Portland. I guess my Market Report was a bit desaturated, eh?

So, since I am in between things right now and itching to blog, I will countdown my list of the Top 5 Most Colorful Events of my Quilt Market Trip:

#5. Left my PayPal card at Oba!
On my first night in Portland, I attended the fabulous Fabric 2.0 party, a meet & greet for all bloggers & fabricnistas attending Market. I treated my friend Myrinda to a Mojito and let the bartender start a tab for me. Well, I never did visit the bar again and when Kathy Miller said Let's Go, I went and left my card behind. The following day, after I realized what I had done (and that I was totally moneyless!) I bummed rides from any person who would take pity on me in hopes to retrieve my card. Eventually, it was the wonderful Eva and her sweet friend Tara who came to my rescue. They not only retrieved my Paypal card from Oba!, but came and picked me up off a random street corner in downtown Portland. Thanks, girls!!

#4. Took an unplanned scenic tour of Portland
On Friday night, I met with a dozen or so boutique designers in Downtown Portland for dessert and laughs. After midnight, when we all decided to retreat to our respective hotels, I bummed a ride with Chelsea, of PinkFig Patterns, and that's where our adventure began. As soon as I got into the van, Chelsea turns and says to me, "I'm not so good with directions" to which I responded, "Can't be any worse than me." We laughed it off, but not for long. Half an hour later, we were still driving in circles. Then within a matter of seconds we were off the map entirely. Every street we turned into had a detour sign or was a one-way street. Somehow, miraculously, we made it back to the Convention Center area where both of our hotels were located. Chelsea announces ecstatically, "There's the Double Tree" and I said, "That's great, Chelsea, but I'm staying at the Holiday Inn." We took a left turn and went down a couple of blocks in search for the elusive Holiday Inn and Chelsea announces again, "There's the Double Tree". By the fifth time we saw the Double Tree we realized we were driving in circles... again! It didn't matter if we turned left or right after the damn Double Tree... we still ended up there. It was like Hotel California. We were laughing uncontrollably and I think because we were laughing so hard and not paying attention to which direction we were driving anymore, we somehow ended up at the Holiday Inn... at 1:30 am!

#3. Made Michael Steiner eat a raw oyster
On my last night at Market, I was invited to eat dinner with the Michael Miller crew at a wonderful Peruvian tapas place. I was having the time of my life and decided to order a dozen raw oysters because I thought "Who doesn't like oysters?" Little did I know that the answer to that question was... "Most people." ;) When the oysters arrived, I offered one to Michael Steiner, co-founder of MMF, to which he politely responded, "Oh, no, thanks. I don't eat oysters." Well, I guess I must have been feeling extra confident -- and persuasive -- that night because I somehow convinced him that he would love the way I prepared them to which he reluctantly agreed. I proceeded to garnish a raw oyster with a little bit of this and a little bit of that (some Peruvian dips & sauces they brought us). Michael swallowed it whole without hesitation and declared that it was actually good. I'd like to think he was being truthful and not just polite because... it actually stayed down. :) Believe me, I've seen those things come up before... not a pretty sight.

#2. Made Joel Dewberry turn 10 shades of red.
I visited Joel's booth right after he had been presented with the famous Fabric PIMP button by Myrinda of Fabric Hound. Joel, being the cool and go with the flow guy that he is, immediately pinned it onto his badge and smiled for the camera. There was about a half a dozen boutique gals gathered around him when I don't know what possessed me to say "Yeah, Joel, you're the Fabric PIMP because we're all Fabric Ho's!" and waved my hand -- Vanna White style -- around the crowd of shocked, open-mouthed boutique gals.

Yeah, nice, Patty. But wait... there's more:

#1. Made a crass remark at a textile matriarch.
Let's rewind a couple of days back to the Fabric 2.0 party at Oba!, shall we? I was standing in the middle of the room chatting with someone... I don't recall who because the event that followed wiped all my memory prior to it and apparently after too, since I'm pretty sure it was partly to blame for why I left my only monetary source behind. So, anyway, as I was chatting merrily, I feel a bit of a tug in the back of my shirt... kinda near my... ehem... bum? I turn around quickly only to find this sweet elderly lady smiling at me and saying "Oh, honey, I saw that your beautiful blouse was a bit tucked into your pants back here, so I thought I'd help you out." Well, any normal person would have thanked the sweet lady and got on with their conversation, but apparently I am not normal. I proceeded to say, "Well, since you've had your hands halfway down my pants, I feel we should be properly introduced. I'm Patty Young, new licensed designer with Michael Miller." Short pause. "Ooh, nice to meet you. I'm Donna Wilder, founder of Free Spirit Fabrics." ... GULP!


  1. I am so glad it isn't just me who's mouth has a life and a mind all of its own! Not long after I met my hubby (we were at Uni) and I think only the second time I met his parents, they had come up to celebrate his graduation with us. They had bought him a briefcase (do you call them that in the US?) and to break an awkward silence I chimed up, wow what an excellent idea, it's always important to have a clean pair of briefs with you when you're out in the world.........
    As you can imagine, it went down like a lead balloon. I still can't believe I said it, fourteen years later.
    Oh Patty, when you do eventually make it over to the UK, you absolutely must look us up. It's mandatory.
    Kim xx

  2. OMG!! That is freaking hilarious Patty (the Old lady story!!) I cannot not believe you did not share this stuff before! Did you really think you'd be able to keep this stuff a secret for long??!!?? Lol!!!

  3. Patty that is OMG holey crap hilarious!!!

    How anyone can be around you and not be red from laugher (in a good way!!!) would be beyond me.

    Hugs Hugs Hugs darling for putting it all out there. ;)

  4. Thanks, ladies. I was wondering if anyone else out there would find these funny or if it was just me and my sick sense of humor. ;)

    Kim... that is hilarious! Sounds like you and I would get along famously!

  5. I'm like Kim -- relieved to know I'm not the only one who is sometimes shocked at the things that come out of my mouth. Thanks for sharing those stories!

  6. Anonymous8:25 AM

    HA! These were hilarious! What a riot. I too can appreciate and share in the crass humor. Thanks... I needed a laugh!


  7. Sounds like you had a blast! You are so witty!

  8. I could listen to you tell stories ALL DAY and still want to hear more! You are the funniest girl. I just loved hearing how each day went for you, you make everything super fun!


  9. hee hee... thanks for making me feel like less of a dork! ;)

  10. OMG PATTI! (Hey, long time no... nothing!) So I'm bored at work (for an airline, reservations support, taking calls from res agents) and perusing the blogs while I wait... and I'm sitting here busting a gut at your 1) hilarious experiences and 2) insanely funny way of putting to words those hilarious experiences! And while I have you... CONGRATS on being a fabric designer *with* a contract!!! Wooo HOOOOO! You go girl! ~gigi in slc

  11. OMG you are hysterical. If we actually make it to market in Texas we are sooo hanging out with you! Congrats on working with MM! We'd love to link up with you in the blog world so if you want to swap links, let us know!
    The fabric addicts

  12. Egads!! That is so funny!! I thought I was a dork for leaving my sweater at Oba but you win the grand prize!! It wouldn't have been nearly as fun if you had "behaved" yourself. :)

  13. Gigi... thanks for stopping by! It has certainly been a long time, eh? So glad I was able to provide some amusement. ;)

    FabricAddicts... you're on the blogroll. Thanks for the comment!

    Jona... I never behave! LOL! Oh, and you are on the blogroll too! :)


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