I know this sounds like a cheesy cliché but my mom did advice me on several occasions to always wear clean underwear just in case I end up in the hospital. And I always thought that if I ended up in the hospital unexpectedly, the state of my panties will probably be the least of my worries.
Thursday morning's events left me pondering yet another twist on that old cliché ... what if your hospital visit doesn't require for anyone to gaze upon your unmentionables? As in my case. Well, my mother would have been proud because I went in for a sprained ankle and my toes couldn't have looked more beautiful! LOL! I guess it helped that just last week I went on a cruise and treated myself to a French Pedicure, so my toes were saying "Ooh-La-la" while my ankle was saying "Ouchy-Ouchy."
I twisted my ankle as I was running up the stairs carrying a wiggly 2-year-old. Not sure exactly how it happened but I remember hearing a "crack" or a "pop" and tumbling down with Sydney in my arms. I broke her fall with my body. She sprang to her feet as if nothing had happened and I stayed down there. The pain escalated second by second and by the time I reached Jon on the cell phone I was a sobbing, slobbering mess.
When we reached the ER I had to sit there holding back the screams while an uncaring admissions clerk ratted off 20 million questions to me... some were relevant, others were not only irrelevant but downright annoying!
Name?
Date of Birth?
Social Security Number?
Proof of Insurance?
Address?
Phone Number?
Doctor?
and so on...
And just when I thought the interrogation should be over, it was just getting started...
Do you have any allergies?
No
Are you taking any medications?
No, but I could REALLY USE SOME RIGHT NOW!!!!
Have you experienced any domestic violence?
No, my husband didn't push me down the stairs. Believe it or not, I did this all by myself. Well, with a little bit of help from my 2-year-old. Yep.
Are you depressed or have you had any feelings about hurting yourself?
No, but I'm feeling like I might want to hurt YOU if I don't get any meds soon!
Are you pregnant or is there any chance you might be pregnant?
No, but I think my ankle might be about 6 months along!
An hour or so later I finally got in for an X-Ray. To my surprise, my ankle was not broken (I totally thought it was!), just a bad sprain. So now I have to walk around with this nifty little air cast and a pair of crutches... but hey, don't my toes look nice?
Oh, and one good thing happened out of this nightmare hospital visit... I got a full bottle of Vicodin. :)
